1/31/11

a metaphorical dream.

A Vision I received on Christmas Eve a few years ago:

I was standing on the ground inside a massive white tent that was two stories high.
As I stood in one corner, there were dozens of bare round tables situated across the floor.
Then I looked up to the ceiling of the tent, and I saw up there levitating in the air all sorts of objects!
 The objects were all hovering around mixed together miscellaneously : from long-stemmed roses, to unlit candles, silverware, plates, and table-linens.
Then, I suddenly noticed that my arms were up in the air with my palms outstretched, and it appeared as though my hands were holding all the objects up in the air – as though I were the conductor.
So, it appeared to me then that the only reason these objects were floating in the air was because I was holding them up there. And, it appeared to me that if I were to let go, they would all fall and break to pieces. This lead me to believe that I had to keep holding them up – despite the grueling weight of burden I could feel it was placing on me.
As I held the objects of table-settings, I noticed the bare tables and then i realized that all those settings in the air had to settle into their fitting spot on top of the tables. Also, they would have to have a harmonious and tasteful arrangement – which I could not yet even conceive of. How would the settings be arranged on the tables while making sure not to drop and break any?
I looked at the objects in the air - all mixed up and mixed around. Orchids and Lilies were drifting in between sheets of silk napkins. There were blueberries floating in glass vases and rose petals were mingled amongst spoons. How would everything be organized and positioned without letting anything fall?
As I tried to think of a successful solution for the strenuous attachments, I could feel tension in my body tightening from trying to hold everything up there.  I could feel all the muscles in the body becoming stiff, knotted, and throbbing. I felt my cheeks become constricted and my brow furrowed from strain.
All of a sudden, I asked myself: “What is this all for?”
As soon as I asked that simple question, I let go.
My muscles tenderly let go of their tight hold and the tension disappeared throughout my body.
My arms swung down and swayed freely by my side.
My face relaxed.
My furrowed brow melted into a tranquil grin.
The body was liberated from tension.
Now that my body was free from anxiety, I could care less if the objects in the air were going to break. Who-cares if they fell and broke because I already found the ultimate of what I wanted. There could be no amount of success that could compensate or compare to the amount of peace and tranquility I was now feeling. In fact, all the strain that had been previously dealt with was only done so in hopes of one day arriving at a place of feeling this satisfaction – and it was here now. So, nothing else was or is needed.
As I felt the pleasure of my muscles being relaxed, I looked up at the objects in the air – expecting to see them fall to the ground……........
 But, instead of dropping and breaking, the most splendidly miraculous occurrence was taking place in front of my eyes: all of the objects were gracefully moving through the air and settling down onto the tables – as though they were gliding puzzle-pieces falling into their places.
I watched the blueberries gather with the strawberries into baskets that sat on golden trays covered with rose petals, pastries, and chocolates, which rested near the glasses and goblets, next to the glass vases of Orchids and bouquets of Lilies… The napkins were folded into superb designs as they came to settle on top of the small plates on top of the big plates next to the cups on top of their saucers...
Everything gently drifted down into its place with perfect precision and precise perfection.
Everything found its spot in the most exquisite arrangement which I could have never thought of myself…
After all the settings had settled, the image before me was a placed filled with such stunning arrangements that I knew that any of my own ideas would have never been even half as magnificent.
I watched a brilliant creation manifest in ways that were beyond my own comprehension.
The funny thing is that I was already content and would have still been content if it all had broken, but instead it became more beautifully fixed than imaginable.
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When the sense of contentment is no longer dependant on the outcome, I feel content independent of the circumstances or the outcome – thusly, it matters not what the outcome will be because I already feel content.
Serendipitously, when we let go of controlling the outcome, it allows for a greater energy to do its work: the work of an energy greater than our own – and its great work is achieved effortlessly when we are no longer “holding up” its flow.
What are the objects you hold-up with outcomes to which you are attached?
When we let go of attachment to the outcome, it not only allows for the outcome to be achieved, but also it allows for it be achieved in the most glorious of ways that we could have never even imagined for ourselves.
When there isn’t a hold-up, the energy is free to flow… when we let go.

It’s like that song by Radiohead: 
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1/25/11

the Transformation of a Lifetime.

Even though every moment of living gives us experiences that continually define our perspective of life, there are poignant moments of experience in which we happen to percieve reality through a brand new lens, and that moment serves to define all other moments because it informs and transforms our perspective of life forever.
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It was Spring in San Diego, 2008. I was with some of my dearest friends from college; we went to walk and play around Balboa Park. But, something extraordinary happened to me that day; i experienced a fundamental shift in my entire perception of life.
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What lead to that day? 
A lifetime worth of journeying away from my true self.. 
and then trying to return to it.
A few years earlier, I had discovered that "Awareness" was the key to enlightenment,
because becoming aware of what limits us allows us to transcend those limitations.
With the growth of my Awareness, I then came across a marvelous mental revelation...
~ Awareness is the essence of existence - and "Love" is the essence of pure Awareness ~
So, i had discovered the secret of the Universe. So what?
It made no difference to me because i was still unhappy. I had figured out the secret to happiness, but I just didn't feel happy. My thoughts knew the secret, but my feelings didn't feel it.
I saw no point in existing; and, truth be told, if you really let yourself be honest with yourself, you'll see there really isn't any point to anything - think about it. 
Any self-honesty is what leads to the moment(s) that change(s) everything.
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There we were... in the Park. After we walking around the lush trails, we landed on our blanket next to the rose garden. As we sat to rest, i began to feel a deep pain from the bottom of my core start to twist and tense up my spine. Suddenly, right then, everyone had to go for a bathroom break, but i couldn't go. I couldnt stand or walk. I could barely talk. I was in so much pain that all i could do was stay and lay on the blanket. And, in those few minutes while everyone was gone, i underwent a revolution from within.
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As the pain was surmounting in my core, my mind was filled with the pains of existing. All at once, I just couldnt take it anymore. I couldn't hold on to the pain anymore. I hit an intense point of surrender and gave up from within.
And, in this grand moment of release, i heard my mind say "I could just die."
 ...and then it did: my mind shut off. 
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....Then...
There were no thoughts.
There was no thinking.
My mind was utterly quiet.
And what is there, when there are no thoughts?
what is left, when there is no thinking?
FEELING.
Just pure Feeling.
And all i could feel was... ALIVE. Aliveness.
Without thoughts, all that is left is FEELING ALIVE. The Feeling of Aliveness.
When the mind stops thinking, there is no other Feeling but pure and complete Aliveness.
There was no pain - there was only Feeling Alive.
There it was, and here it still is: the energy of Life, living, Alive from within.
The feeling is pure, complete, and blissful in its pure completeness.
There is complete clarity in the complete bliss of Feeling Alive.
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Aliveness is complete in just being alive.
From the perspecitve of just being alive, all of existence is complete because it is alive.
Aliveness is the energy that makes the body living.
If you are alive, then there is Aliveness in you:
It is the beating of your heart and the breathing of your lungs.
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From this perspective, there is no point to exist - other than existing, as point of its own.
So, now I know - not from just thinking it but from really feeling it -
The point to being alive is just being alive - and Feeling Alive...
and Aliveness feels really good...
The sweet bliss of inner Life energy.
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The time during which i had no thoughts only lasted for a couple moments, but the aftermath had a drastic and immediate impact on my entire interpretation of existence.
My entire reaction to life changed; my demeanor and purpose for existing changed.
Those once reflexive thoughts of the mind that had such control over my mood, my feelings, and my behavior were now either gone or they were revealed as inconsequential.
Without the running engine of thoughts that control how we feel, we are free to feel the feeling of Aliveness.
I realized myself,
As free to feel what im feeling.
Complete in the feeling of existing,
Feeling complete in existing.
and thus i realized my purpose
is to feel the completeness of aliveness,
because thats all there is.
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For a week directly after the experience, i was so numb to the thoughts and judgements of the mind that when i stumbled upon the image of my own reflection in the mirror i didnt recognize who it was, because i was no longer inundated with a flood of thoughts that the mind projects - from judgements of identification as basic as 'that-is-desiree', to complex opinions of self including the delusions of both underapproval and overapproval of one's image. Instead, when passing by a mirror, the reflection of "me" in the mirror was now seen as just another image like any other object on the wall - like the frame holding the mirror, or the doorknob next to it.
Its all just images and reflections of existence. yet, then the simple beauty of existence can shine when you perceive it as such.
This is the experience of experiencing Pure Awareness of the Pure Awareness within - Awareness of one's own Awareness.
This experience can be accessed and experienced at all times by all people, because Awareness is the constant condition of existence.
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When the mind stops, the heart still continues. still in stillness.
when the mind quiets, one can finally feel the completeness of being alive.
In a state of no-thought, the volume is quieted on the thoughts being thought by the mind, and the frequency of thoughts are turned down low enough for one to be able to literally hear the feeling of Aliveness from within.
Inner bliss.
When one can hear that inner feeling,
one can sense that inner song,
Then one can understand its perspective and what it sees.
And what it sees is just the existence of Awareness -
In its multitude of diversifed expressions of itself.
...Different degrees of existence of awareness of existence of awareness of existence of awareness.....
...awareness of awareness of awareness...
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I aim not to recreate that moment. Rather, i aim to live fully in this present moment, and use the memory of that feeling as a reference point for accessing that feeling NOW - in each moment of the present.
It is a reminder to feel the aliveness that is within us at any & every given moment.
It is the feeling which i live to create within myself more & more each day.

What i experienced that day is an experience that can be achieved at any moment by any person without any substance.
Nothing is needed except a deep sincere desire to be free from pain - deep and honest from within.
The pure bliss of inner presence (Aliveness) is the most beautiful feeling i have ever felt and continue to feel each day.
This feeling allows every moment to be complete, so that all other pleasures become auxilary:
‎When the primary need of fulfillment is already fulfilled from within, then all other pleasures in life become additions to an already-present inner feeling of pleasure for life.
i believe enlightenment is the continuous cultivation of that feeling of inner bliss as an ongoing state within ourselves. 
The energy that makes me alive is the same energy that makes you alive.
It makes us one: the aliveness within.
It is our true self. .
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*May we all feel the bliss of being alive*
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1/19/11

the view.

every one has issues.
no one has no issue.
each one pursues
to review
their views,
stuck in their issues.
confused -
one's view IS one's issue.
if one can choose
to pursue
the lifting of one's view,
then issues become virtues.
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passion.

emotion.
energy in motion.
vibrations in procession.
feelings in detection.
sentiments in expression.
tones of inflection.
perspectives in dissension.
in agression.
in depression.
and in elation!
an injection of commotion.
an extention of intention.
an inception of reflection.
a reception of redemption.
a session for progression.
a question of invention.
the conception
of passion.
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1/14/11

the path of light.



a flame flickers in the dark.
a darkness stirs in its spark.

the dark - pure, bare, stark.
the flame forges its mark.

its blaze bends into an ark:
a path of light to embark.

fire - ignited by the dark.
darkness - engulfed by a spark.


1/11/11

magnetism.

- Harness the Power (within) -
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When i was in 3rd grade, I won the science fair.
Maybe, it was because my dad built me an awesome device.
I now refer to it as the MAGNETIZER..
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My initial question that sparked the project, and inspired my dad to help me, was:
"How can we harness the power of magnets?"
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After some brainstorming, we created a device that looked like a windmill, but with two adjacent wheels held together on a rod.
These wheels were made of plexi-glass - with magnets drilled into the north, south, east and west points of each wheel.
The first wheel had a small handle, and when it was pushed, it also caused the second wheel to move as the magnets on both wheels interacted.
Thus, the energy / effort used to move only one wheel produced power to move both wheels!
If I had taken this further, I would've added many more wheels -
To find out how many other wheels can be moved by only moving one?
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The wheels represent the thoughts within us...
When we move / shift just ONE thought,
It moves all the thoughts that come after it.


~*~

1/10/11

sensing.

see frothy sea-
foam, flow in OB.

hear splashing here-
now, near OB pier.

feel waves of feeling-
sense, a sense of healing.


~*~

1/6/11

life is moving.

incandescent clouds
a picture is the snapshot of a moment.
a living atmosphere
captured in a flat image.
a breathing landscape
alive with dimension
fixed in a stillframe.
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as the eyes scan a scene
the mind takes a mental picture.  
a landscape of living dimension
becomes a fixed snapshot.
flat images held in a stillframe.
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as we gaze at the clouds
our mind takes a picture.
if we close our eyes
to imagine the image,
when we open our eyes
the clouds have moved.
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the atmosphere of dimension
lives with movement
and moves with life.
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the pictures we take most
are of ourselves and others.
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perfect waves.

"I realized the perfect wave isn't ONE thing.
It's always changing, depending on the surfer and the situation.
It's a choice.  It's what u make of it."


- step into liquid

1/5/11

dawn.

awoken by glinting shadows of illusion.
awakened to glistening shades of dawn.
sleep, blanket me once more.

yet the eyes remain open....
the light grows.


~*~

1/2/11

a whole new world...

Welcome to the New Year…
Perhaps, this might just be
the start of a new decade
of a different kind.
Where we can all be
different and kind –
simultaneously.

~*~

These writings are dedicated
to the growth of my own consciousness,
as well as whoever may choose
to find within these words
any seeds of Truth 
for the fertile grounds of their Minds.

And may the nourishing light of the Heart
bring sustenance and guidance
to those seedlings of truth.


-------<@


Sometimes, these blogs will sound cheesy.
But, as my soulsister Vesna once said:
“I was born hooked to an I.V. of cheese.”




 *Profound Gratitude to the amazing Love-Givers in my life*